Kids

If palm trees can't live there, neither should you. That's the only real estate advice you'll ever need.

If it can't be played on a ukulele, it shouldn't be played at all.

If a wave crashes and nobody is around to hear it except for you, you picked the right beach.

Dueling Banjos is great, but Dueling Ukuleles wouldn't work. Ukuleles won't duel. They're pacifists.

Best thing about grass skirts? Picnicking without fear of grass stains.

Coconuts are nature's combo meal-food, a drink and (if you bowl with it first) a toy.

Why put a message in a bottle? If you're on a deserted island, you're already set.

Sunblock smells like the beach. Perfume smells like a department store. Advantage, sunblock!

The three "R's" have nothing on the three "S's:" Sand, Sun and Smoothies!

Tip: Jellyfish are NOT good with Peanut Butter. (You don't try that more than once.)

Airbrushed t-shirts aren't a fashion statement, they're a way of life.

No party is too fancy for tiki torches.

It's impossible to wake up on the wrong side of the bed in a hammock.

Next time at airport security, start a conga line. If your shoes are off, you may as well enjoy it.

The sunset will always be better than anything on TV. (Yes, even J.J. Abrams' shows.)

#1 guide to quality of life-pairs of sunglasses owned. Under 1/2-dozen? Hit the mall, then a beach.

Hammocks are terrible for working in. Which is why they're perfect.

Any horizontal barrier is a limbo tournament waiting to happen.

SPF stands for Smoothie Prediction Factor. 15 should be your minimum in summer months.