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Next time at airport security, start a conga line. If your shoes are off, you may as well enjoy it.

It's impossible to wake up on the wrong side of the bed in a hammock.

Dueling Banjos is great, but Dueling Ukuleles wouldn't work. Ukuleles won't duel. They're pacifists.

If it can't be played on a ukulele, it shouldn't be played at all.

#1 guide to quality of life-pairs of sunglasses owned. Under 1/2-dozen? Hit the mall, then a beach.

Sunblock smells like the beach. Perfume smells like a department store. Advantage, sunblock!

The three "R's" have nothing on the three "S's:" Sand, Sun and Smoothies!

The sunset will always be better than anything on TV. (Yes, even J.J. Abrams' shows.)

Tip: Jellyfish are NOT good with Peanut Butter. (You don't try that more than once.)

Best thing about grass skirts? Picnicking without fear of grass stains.

Coconuts are nature's combo meal-food, a drink and (if you bowl with it first) a toy.

No party is too fancy for tiki torches.

Hammocks are terrible for working in. Which is why they're perfect.

Airbrushed t-shirts aren't a fashion statement, they're a way of life.

SPF stands for Smoothie Prediction Factor. 15 should be your minimum in summer months.

Any horizontal barrier is a limbo tournament waiting to happen.

If a wave crashes and nobody is around to hear it except for you, you picked the right beach.

Why put a message in a bottle? If you're on a deserted island, you're already set.

If palm trees can't live there, neither should you. That's the only real estate advice you'll ever need.